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hey this is Leo for actualised org and right now in this video we're gonna cover a really important topic really important topic to living a self actualized charge kind of life and that is how to live with authentic self expression to me the more I study personal development the more I look into what it really takes to live an exciting amazing huge life the kind of life that I want for you the kind of life that I picture for myself is to be getting more and more into the frame of being able to express your thoughts self authentically and when you do that the kind of joy that you get from that but also the kind of amazing performance that you get and the kind of creative output that you can have when you're able to unleash your full creative expression and unblock yourself insightful yourself stop worrying about what people think of you and just go out there and unleash and create and the reason I started actually thinking about this is because I've been thinking about the this concept of style lately you know having a certain sense of style and the reason I was thinking about that is because well I'm shooting these videos and one of the things I'm doing is as I'm practicing my public speaking and as I'm practicing my writing and as I'm as I'm looking at other people out there other self-help gurus looking at them and saying you know what are like the best guys in the industry doing like what is Tony Robbins doing what does Evan pagon doing what are some of these other people that I really look up to what are they doing and how did they do it and one thing that I noticed as public speakers everyone has a unique style everyone's a little bit different some people are very laid-back and casual in their approach and the way they speak and they speak in short phrases other people are very long-winded and they can be more more Stern having a more Stern kind of gravitas so their presence and they'll speak very slowly they can speak slower I think I speak pretty fast that's my natural pace of speech when I get excited and I'm saying something with energy and I'm engaged with it so I'm looking at all and I'm looking at different word usage pauses vocal variety talking loud talking low just even mannerisms things that people do with their hands how they hold themselves how they carry themselves how they look around the way they hold eye contact when I look at all this I can see the stink styles that each speaker has and each one of them as I'm looking at them on Oh mmm I really like the way he does that I really love style I want to copy down I want to be like that or then I see no way where wait there's this other guy who's even better look at his style his style is like all serious and people are listening to him he's got a lot of a lot of power in the way he's communicating or wait wait wait look at that guy he's all humorous and light-hearted and people will really resonate with that if I'm gonna be humorous and light-hearted just like that and so it's easy to get caught up in that and the reason I'm using this example is because this example easily generalizes to life in any domain at work in your relationship whatever follow along here and pay really close attention because here's what's happening is that I'm looking at stuff and I'm seeing something that I appreciate something something with him within me it's like resonating with that with that energy that's in that person but on the same hand what I'm doing is I'm kind of sacrificing my own values and I'm sacrificing my own my own vision and I'm subordinating it to this other person in a sense by idolizing him or by trying to be him trying to emulate him and putting him on a pedestal saying look he's got it down just the way I want and now when you do that when you do that kind of process all of a sudden what did you just do you put him up here and you put yourself down here and they have to climb your way up and you have to like work to get to perfection you have to work up and basically become that person and of course when you're comparing yourself to the to that person like that what chance do you really have of being being him you don't the best that you can be is to be your authentic self and that's a little bit of a loaded loaded term to say because some people might interpret that as saying well my authentic self means that I don't really work on myself I'm perfect the way I am I just sit back relax and I'm cool that's not quite what that means you still have to work on yourself and if in fact do a lot of work to get to your authentic self because right now who you are is not your hood yourself who you are is blocked up and obscured by all this grime limiting beliefs stuff from the media people you're idolizing and trying to be like pressures from the outside imposed on you and basically what you need to be is you need to be a force that imposes itself on the world rather than the other way around so in this case I was looking at these different figures these are for people and admiring them and then I caught myself and I said you know what to be really successful as a speaker I'm gonna have to grow into my own style and sure I should be studying these people by no means am i saying that it's wrong to be studying into looking at other sources for inspiration or even downright just copying things from people you know that old adage of the best artists know how to steal and hide their sources that's kind of the same thing here it's okay to take things that are appropriate for you but you got to make sure that they're appropriate for you and you're not taking them just because you like them in that person you know if someone has a style of speaking that's very humorous and light-hearted and I'm trying and I'm not humorous and light-hearted but now I all the sudden envy him and I try to live into that what I'm doing there maybe that's the right move but what I could be doing there also is I could be sacrificing some of my own strengths and so my own uniqueness of my own mannerisms my own voice my own natural pace of talking my own sense of humor that I might have I'm sacrificing and subordinating those and saying you know what those aren't important those aren't as cool as those over there and it's literally the same effect that you get when you're when you're in school right and you look up to if you're like a freshman you look up to the seniors because I think the seniors are cooler and so it's not so important what you think it's like important what the seniors think and now you want to like fit in with that and when you do that you don't end up looking cool you end up looking stupid and that's in fact what makes the seniors cool is that they don't care and they're doing their own thing where you care too much and you're trying to be like them so you got to flip that little thing around and you got to reframe it and understand that you have some authentic strengths and some authentic way of expressing that you need to go out there and you need to find you need to discover it and that's still something that I'm trying to discover right now I'm trying to discover what my voice is as a as a speaker and that's gonna probably take me a year or two to get that down because I just need to experiment and see what's working and I can already see a lot of progress but I need to study more people but at the same time as I'm doing that I don't need to be giving away and selling away some of the strengths that I might have I need to be true to those so it's a delicate process there's no clear-cut way to say how this is done the other point that I want to make here about style is that really style is an advanced level thing and I carry this through from from pickup that I've been involved with for a few years now and there what you what I learned from pickup is that there are different people who have different styles of flirting and different ways of dating different ways of interacting with women and as I was looking at guys interacting with women in different ways I was saying that wait hold on like this guy has a really interesting way of a piano girl in the club he does it this way and wait a minute this guy has a totally different way and he does it in this other way and I interacted with so many people so many of the best people just like exceptional people some of the best pickup artists in the world and I interacted with them and I talked to them I picked their brains I looked at what they were doing and I just noticed such a variety of styles and then I'm kind of like looking at myself and I'm like well I'm nowhere near any of their levels and like what's my style should I be like the cool James Bond type should I be like the funny flirty dancing clown monkey type should I be like should I be very sexual and aggressive or should I be very social and friendly like there's all sorts of different styles and ways that you can go about it and what's crazy is that like each one of those can be very successful if you implement it correctly but on the other hand you also have to be kind of true to yourself and to your own personality and it's tricky to figure that out because when you're when you're starting off and you're not good at flirting you're not good at socializing and loud Club environments then you don't really know how that stuff works and you don't know what your style should be and that's something that you also have to go through you have to kind of go on a journey of figuring that out that takes a while and what I learned from that is that style is also an advanced thing when you're just starting off when you're new and by new I mean a couple of years in into anything whenever you're trying to master something so maybe like taking example maybe you're trying to get good at your career and there's someone in your career that may be at your office or someone in the industry that you're in who you're trying to like kind of emulate copy he's maybe like a mentor of yours and you really admire him and you're trying to live up to that image well that's great that's a great thing to do but you also have to understand that the style that he has that you admire right now you are not meant to have that that's something you develop when you're five years in ten years and 20 years in that's what's cool is that people that become masters end up having a style because they have like quirks of theirs in their personality that just come through through their mannerisms the subtle ways that they do things little ways that they adopt the techniques to their own style and that style comes out after a very long process where they've done it so many different ways and they've interacted with so many peoples they seen and tried on so many different things that finally they settled into a groove and it's natural for them they don't feel like they have to impress anybody anymore because after 20 years who else who do you have to impress you have no one to impress so you don't have that you just love doing what you're doing you're so immersed in it you're in the flow that really it becomes unconscious and they do it unconsciously so when a speaker is up there and he's talking and he's a really good speaker he has all those mannerisms but those are not forced maybe they were a long long time ago but now they become completely unconscious he's totally mastered them and they really dovetail completely with his personality and so now he has a style that styles on a four style it's kind of like just like a natural style that emanates from what he's doing it's very organic and actually that is what's very magnetic and attractive about that is when you have a very organic fluid natural style that seems to mesh with your with your real personality whether it's in public speaking or in any kind of other thing that you're mastering whether relationships or dating or the way that you do your fitness routine or the way that you're doing things at work right if you're looking for a style right now I want you to ask yourself how far in are you into the mastery process if you're still in the early phases then don't worry too much about the style the style will develop itself more or less spontaneously as you go out there and develop more mastery develop more proficiency in fact what I would say is go out there and soak in all the different variety of styles that are there so hang out with one type of person at your job then hang out with the totally opposite of that type of person at your job if you can find that and see how their Styles compare try them on for size see what you like about one style what you might not like about the other style so there might be pros and cons someone who speaks very fast as a public speaker there might be some cons to that because people are not able to follow on the message but maybe there's also some pros to that maybe he's delivering the message with a certain energy so you have to go out there and kind of see what works for you what works for your life what works for your psychology what works for your audience what works for whatever field you're working in and that's what's really cool and actually really rewarding about the mastery process and about committing yourself to some sort of aim and purpose in life is that once you're able to master something then you are able to express very authentically very naturally without being self-conscious about it because when you're in the new early phases of whatever it is you're trying to learn it's going to be a little bit forced right so if you're learning a new musical instrument then maybe you're copying someone you don't have a flow you don't have a rhythm yet you'll get that when you become a master that instrument or even for example with with singing like one thing that I'll do is I'll be driving in my car and I'll be I'll be looking and listening to the radio stations and I'll be hearing a great song and then I'll be kind of thinking like you know if I was a musician I wonder what my voice would sound like what my songs would be like and it's hard for me to imagine that because I listen to a song and I'm like oh that's a really awesome song I love the way that he's singing there I love the like the way that she's vocalizing that like I don't see myself having that same kind of voice so how would I sing that song it would probably not work out very well and then I start thinking well like could I get myself to be like that voice could I get myself to be like that kind of band with that kind of style and then what I realized is that it's the wrong way to think about it when you're a really talented musician or singer you're not really copying someone directly like that if you are then you're probably like a B or a C or a d-list musician you're not like a a rock star because the rock star has a genuine voice at some point he had to figure that out but eventually he developed a genuine self expressive voice and he owns it now even like the imperfections in it even the quirks sometimes you'll hear someone sing and their singing is kind of flat and maybe boring but the fact is that they own it and that's like the style of the music this is style of the band they actually make the music to match that voice and so when you match the music to the voice you should come out with something that's unique original authentic and that's really the important thing that's what makes it interesting that's what makes it attractive that's what makes it sellable that's what makes it appealing on a mass scale is that it is something unique it was something that someone just like poured their soul into and wasn't looking around to see how they would be interpreted and that's what we're a lot of times artists will trip up is that sometimes when an artist is not secure in where they're coming from then what they'll do is they'll look around and they'll try to see you know what's the like what's the hot trend what's the cool thing how how are you know how are people singing right now that's that's selling the most records and maybe I should go and do that but if you try to do it that way you usually end up having bad results not only do you have bad results but you also don't feel the way that a real rock star feels because a real rock star besides having all the kind of cliche perks and being a rock star I think the real benefit and I mean the real fulfillment in being a rock star is that you get to go out on stage and just like express your soul express yourself and just like create the kind of music that you want to create and that feels amazing when you're coming from that position so I want that from you I want that kind of self-expression from you so figure out what you need to do to do that start thinking about where you might be emulating too much and also maybe give yourself some some some time to develop that style and remember that style is an advanced level thing and then it will come naturally if you just explore and are just really passionate let yourself be passionate and kind of follow your passions and tastes and own them to a certain extent don't be totally rigid with them but also don't totally deny them you got to find you got to find that balance now that balance cannot be found through a book through a video you have to go out there in the real world experiment trial and error and find it but what I'm trying to tell you here is that you need to go out there and find it or give yourself the time and get immersed into something until you're able to develop it because the fulfillment that you get from that is going to be amazing and I think that you have some imagination of what that feels like because there are been moments in your life where you were able to solve express whether it's in a joke that you told or being authentic on a date that you went on or you know just chatting with friends wearing something you created at work that just like really showcased your your vision your values your creative expression and how good that felt especially when other people then recognized you for it and say like you know that's really cool I really liked what you did that's a really awesome piece of work that you did and it's like yeah you know I did do that awesome piece of work and it didn't come from copying someone else it from like somewhere deep within me that is an awesome feeling that's what I want for you I think that's what a charged life is like is when you have a lot of that feeling very consistently so take this concept and run with it go and apply it all right I'm gonna be signing off go ahead post me some comments I'd like to hear what you think on this topic as always and then please like and share this spread this message around because I published these videos for free and of course go to actualize org for more advanced personal development videos on how to charge up your life you